Wedding Liners From Real Weddings – A Photographers Perspective

I think being a Southern California wedding photographer has its moments. Aside from actually taking photos, a wedding photographer not only has to pay attention to the details, but tends to listen in on a lot of the details. After, some guests, family members, and couples tend to just say the darnedest things at a wedding. And as they say, weddings bring out not only he best in people, but the worse as well.

So, just for fun and entertainment purposes, I have added my first list of wedding liners to my blog. These are actual statements made by guests, couples, and family members at weddings I have photographed. Of course, I’ve omitted names and locations.

• “My step-mom is such a bitch. Just ignore her.” I could remember a bride telling me (the photographer) this. I wasn’t sure what compelled her to tell me, but nevertheless, she felt she needed to get it off her mind.
• “Shit the cake! Don’t tell (brides name). Hurry, dust it off!” Yep, the cake actually fell on to a dirt, gravel sidewalk. needless to say, three bridesmaids stood in front of the cake while the maid of honor picked up the top piece of the cake and tried to set it in its place. I didn’t have a slice of cake that night.
• “Why don’t you shut the F…k up!” While setting up to take the photos of the bridal party, a brides maid turned to the father of the bride and blurted these words out. And let me tell you, she was not joking!
• “Here, help me with the twins.” Often times and while taking the getting ready photos, the bridesmaids and bride will tend to forget I’m in the room with them. So they tend to say what comes to mind. Here, the bride was referring to her breasts as the twins and wanted a bridesmaid to help her with them.
• “My mom is such a bitch, she expects me to go get her a sweater in this dress on my wedding night. What a bitch!” The Bride blurted this statement out to me as she stomped off to her parents car in the parking lot. Needless to say, she was not happy about leaving her wedding reception and getting her mother a sweater.
• “How do I cut the cake, I’ve never done this before.” A bride was asking me the photographer this question. I included the line since I tend to hear this a lot. My comment, I hope you haven’t done this before. But I just thought it and didn’t say anything.
• “Hey, you’re taking too many photos of the step-mom with my daughter. I’m the mom! She shouldn’t be in all the photos.” Lets just say that the bio-mom was having a hard time that day with the fact that the her daughter was calling the step-mom, mom and wanted a lot of photos with her. The bio mom didn’t like that.
• “Why don’t you just shut up and enjoy the damn thing.” I guess this groom was setting the tone for his marriage to his bride when he blurted these words out during their reception. I wonder if they are still married?
• “What do you mean he’s an hour away. The ceremony starts in 10 minutes.” The bride was talking to a groomsman regarding the whereabouts of her future husband. I guess the groom forgot to set his alarm clock…at least that’s what the groomsman claimed.
• “My dad’s an idiot. Look, he’s off drinking again.” Apparently the bride was not too happy when she discovered her dad off drinking again. She was muttering this to a bridesmaid.
• “Where the F…K is my husband?” Apparently the bride could not find her new husband for the first dance. She was pacing all over the reception hall looking for him. He was outside smoking a cigar with his buddies.
• “Look at the racks on those girls.” I was actually standing on the edge of the dance floor when the groom was next to me and made the comment in reference to a bridesmaids breasts. I was actually in shock. After all, didn’t he just get married?

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